Snowy days and looking ahead

Pretty much we've just been continuing to hibernate here and taking things one day at a time.

It did finally warm up a little bit and I could actually take the little dogs outside for a walk a few a days ago! It's been weeks since even I've been able to attempt a walk without them... between the horribly cold temperatures and all the ice it wasn't worth trying. 

We couldn't go real far but we walked about 1/2 mile. The boys were SO happy to get out and be able to run around and not be cold. I was happy just to be out a bit. It's been one long haul and it's not over yet. But I'm taking every day as it comes. I'm grateful I've been able to be creative through painting and drawing, and knitting, a little more in the past week. 

Two of the boys were very, very, happy to be out for a good walk... 

One in particular was airborne most of the time... 

and then there was Norman who just wanted to get it over with and go home, even though he needed the exercise. 

I was also able to get out for a walk by myself. I was hoping to see some wildlife but it was quiet other than black squirrels... 

The snow keeps slowly piling up on us one little storm at a time. So far it's been manageable but we might have to put our snow blower to work if it keeps up. We bought it in 2008 after a particularly bad winter for snow (because we ran out of places to put the snow) and luckily we haven't used it since. It's been good insurance. 

The only one really enjoying all the snow is the Polar bear, he just loves it. The Pyrs are never happier than they are in winter. They love snow and they tolerate cold well. Of course they appreciate a warm dry house and bed to lie on - which they have, but they are in their element in the winter. Spring, and summer are their most hated seasons, especially summer... it's hot and buggy. 

It felt great to be able to get out and exercise a bit without too much pain...

The buckthorn berries looked really pretty covered with snow and ice... 

It also felt nice to be able to visit at least some of my trees... and I made it to our maples, one of our special areas. 

Hibernation gets boring, and we prefer to be outside than inside, but it's also good for you in some ways and I need it, as much as I don't want it.

I am taking things one day at a time, and focusing on trying to eliminate outside stress which has been really high lately and infiltrating my sanctuary here. It's unwelcome, and unneeded.

 I need some ongoing care for my health, nothing really major actually, I just need some help on my road to recovery, and I have not been able to get it here. Without going into lots of details, multiple Doctors here have told me (including one this week) since I went to the U.S. for treatment they have nothing to offer me, as well as putting me down personally and belittling my knowledge and decisions, and also my surgeon whom they know nothing about. I hope continued healing will bring me closer to a level of functioning which gives me many more abilities back. It's a slow process, I have a couple lingering problems, and I never expected to be cured. I'm grateful for how far I have come even though it's been one heck of a journey and I'm not at the end of it yet.

I have also been reminded this week how judgmental people can be, and that it is their issue, their weakness, not mine. I'm grateful for that.

Today we are in the middle of a blizzard. It's snowing and blowing like crazy. All the critters are safely inside the warm barn, lazing around, munching hay. Us humans are inside and keeping the fire going. Me and the small dogs are curled up with lots of books, and lots of plans. It's the perfect day for planning spring projects and gardening. One thing that I have realized in the past couple of months is that one of my biggest goals is to really focus on becoming more self sufficient, so that we need to rely on the outside world less. Of course we are not unplugging the electricity just yet, but this to me all leads to focusing on more than ever what I grow, and preserve. And also realizing things I have or want now that I could honestly live without. The closer we live to the land, the happier we are. The more centered and grounded I feel, and the harder it is for the outside world and all of it's un-welcomed "norms" to get in. 

I think it's taken me a while but I realize half of this healing process isn't just physical, it's spiritual. I can't count how many Doctors have told me I'll live in pain, I have no options, I have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm a bad person for having gone to the U.S. for help. I often over look how much that part of the process has taken out of me because I focus on the physical stuff. I realize now, that while my body needs to continue healing, so does my soul. It needs to get back to it's roots and be cleansed of all the negativity. If I had not been able to get help this summer, I can't imagine what kind of position I would be in now.

So now is a time to return my focus to my heart, and at the center of it is this forest, my animals, and new growth.

And it crosses my mind once and a while... how will I garden if I'm not physically able to do it by spring? And then I remind myself I grew an entire garden almost in pots last year when I was three times as bad as I am now. Nothing is impossible - it's just a matter of adjusting your ideas of how it's going to be done.

February always reminds us that... even though it's still time for "hibernation" spring is coming, and with it, new life, new dreams, and renewal.